Ain't No Sunshine When She's Gone
by jessicarocket
Summary: When Team Rocket gets split up in a blastoff, James finds himself gripped by his deepest fears.


AN: Hello! I want to apologize in advance for taking a fun, heartwarming episode and injecting some angst into it, but this idea popped in my head when I watched the preview and I couldn't get rid of it. This fic occurs within the plot of Sun & Moon episode 38, with flashbacks and references to XY episode 63. I hope I got the characters (and the Meowth dialogue) right, and I hope you enjoy the story!

* * *

James sat up slowly, disoriented from yet another harsh landing. Although painful blastoffs were far from unfamiliar, they had been few and far between since arriving in sunny, carefree Alola. Any time they ventured too far from their cave-turned-secret-base, an aggressively maternal Bewear was there to abruptly snatch them back by any means necessary. So, where in the world was she this time? James attempted to take stock of his surroundings, his vision still blurry from the rough landing. However, he could clearly feel the claws of his feline companion piecing through the fabric of his pants and digging into his thigh. After shaking his head and rubbing his eyes, he was able to see clearly enough to recognize the blue blob to his left.

With a sigh, James sat up further and rubbed his temples as he grumbled, "As nice as it is to have some moments of freedom, this is one sensation I haven't missed in the least."

Meowth let go of his human companion's leg and stood, dusting himself off. "Me neitha," he groaned.

James then noticed his female partner was being uncharacteristically quiet. Typically, their blastoffs were followed by a rant which may or may not contain strings of expletives. Confusion morphed into fear as he turned to gaze in every direction but finding no sign of the fiery redhead.

"J-Jessie?" he stuttered, voice dripping with apprehension. When he received no response, James leapt to his feet and continued repeating her name, his volume increasing in direct correlation with his level of panic.

He turned to his feline companion frantically, crying, "Meowth, Jessie's gone!" This prompted Wobbuffet to scramble to his feet and look around desperately for his trainer.

Meowth rolled his eyes with a heavy sigh and quipped, "Yeah. I kinda noticed dat, captain obvious." When he studied James more closely, he was struck by how terrified his teammate appeared. James' entire face was furrowed, his were fists clenched, and beads of sweat formed along his face. His breathing was becoming increasingly rapid and uneven.

"What's da mattah, Jim? You know how tough Jess is. She's da last person we'd evah need to worry about. She can fend for her herself."

Of course she could. James knew this better than anyone. He had witnessed this warrior of a woman battle a poison pokemon with her bare hands. He smiled fondly at the memory. Jessie was the strongest person he had ever known, and he was convinced she may very well be the strongest in the world. So what the hell was he afraid of?

Suddenly, a memory made its way to the forefront of his mind and the source of his anxiety became more clear:

 _Peering over a thick shrub, James watched Jessie closely. Despite the fact that she was wearing an outfit he had never seen and along with a lose bun in lieu of her signature hairstyle, he had recognized her instantly. She walked alongside a handsome young man toward a quaint cottage, and the situation became even more intriguing as the twerps stumbled upon the scene, desperately seeking help for a sick pokemon. James could easily recognize his partner's apprehension of being caught, but was nonetheless impressed by her impeccable acting skills which appeared to fool them yet again. Whatever she was up to, she seemed to be pulling it off. However, things quickly went awry for Jessie when they spotted her uniform and he hair fall back into it's usual angular style. James watched in confusion as Jessie groveled before the twerps, begging them to not reveal her true identify to the doctor. Tthen, her next choice of words hit him like a ton of bricks._

 _"_ _I've decided I'm quitting Team Rocket so I can live my life with Dr. White forever."_

 _James' heart dropped and his mouth went dry. "Jessie. No…" he whimpered. Even though Meowth was right next to him, James barely registered his teammate's words, feeling disconnected from his surroundings as everything went hazy. The woman he loved with every fiber of his being was leaving the team. Leaving him. Forever. As much as the searing pain in his heart made him want to run to her, to tell her he loved her and beg her to reconsider, his body was rooted in place. She meant the world to him, and nothing was more important than her happiness. If this was her ticket to fulfilling her dreams, so be it. He knew Jessie had often daydreamed about marriage, and was well aware that his own trauma may prevent that from ever being something he could offer should she ever be interested in a life with him. He forcefully held Meowth back and convinced him they shouldn't stand in the way of Jessie's shot at true love and happiness. As they bolted from the cottage and made their way through the dense forest, cherished memories flashed through James' mind as his heart felt as though it was being torn to shreds. Hot tears streamed down his cheeks despite his desperate attempts to fight them._

James was pulled from this painful memory by two distinctly different sounds of distress coming from his pokemon companions. Meowth timidly called Mimikyu's name while Wobbuffet whimpered pitifully, his face twisted in anguish as tears streamed down his face. _I need to pull myself together,_ James thought. _My teammates need me to be strong._ He took a few deep, calming breaths and stood as straight as possible as he continued calling out to Jessie, desperately hoping she would finally respond.

After a few more agonizing minutes, Meowth declared "I don't tink dey're here, Jim."

James let out a resigned sign and nodded. "So it seems."

Meowth was suddenly struck with a realization. "Now dat I t'ink about it, when we was blasting off, dere was a big shopping mall in dat direction." He gestured with his paw.

James paused, a blank expression on his face as he repeated "Shopping mall?" His entire body jerked as he fully processed these words. "Perhaps she fell in that location?"

Meowth froze and sweat began to form on his face. "Jessie went shoppin'…"

Both the human and feline teammates shrieked, horrified at the thought that their missing comrade could be spending what little money they had been working so hard to earn by honest means. They tore off in the direction of the shopping mall, running as fast as their legs could carry them while Wobbuffet was momentarily left behind, not fully certain of what was going on.

James felt his legs ache and his lungs burn as they tore through the forest in the direction of the mall. While the thought of Jessie spending all of their money on a shopping spree was disheartening to say the least, they certainly weren't strangers to being penniless. Rather, his mind clung to the fear that their separation could result in him losing Jessie once and for all, and the thought of that possibility shook him to his core. How ironic that the boy who fled from his family and everything he knew without the slightest pang of loss or regret now found himself clinging to someone else for dear life, hoping _she_ wouldn't run from _him._

James had met Jessie at his lowest point. In his darkest moment, she lit him up and made him feel whole for the first time in his life. While his upbringing led him believe love was cold and painful and abusive, Jessie was the one person who showed him that loving bonds should instead be fulfilling and based on trust and support. As mercurial and short-tempered as she could be, her intentions toward her partners were always good and rooted in genuine concern for the well-being of her team. James often found himself struck by what a stark contrast this relationship was to those he shared with his neglectful parents and wretched fiancee. There was a tenderness to Jessie that she tried desperately to hide, but James recognized little hints of it in nearly everything she did.

James was well aware that Jessie was his source of strength in his moments of weakness. The yin to his yang. She balanced him out in every way imaginable. He couldn't imagine navigating life without her, and even considering that possibility was too painful to bear.

After sprinting for what felt like hundreds of miles, James staggered up to the front doors of the mall, every last ounce of his physical and mental energy spent. Even the team's banter wasn't the same without Jessie around, as James attempted to crack jokes without the slightest amusement from his feline teammate. As Wobbuffet caught up to them, James couldn't help but notice that the pokemon's tattered appearance was an incredibly accurate reflection of he felt inside his own mind. A pang of empathy rushed through James as he realized Wobbuffet was probably just as terrified of losing its trainer as he was. His thoughts were abruptly halted by the sound of an explosion, and terror once again filled every ounce of his being as he and his pokemon companions rushed through the doors of the mall.

And there she was. Although she appeared to have had a rough day, it was also clear that she was safe and lacking any serious injuries. While this initially brought James a great sense of relief, he quickly felt his stomach drop when he looked closely enough to notice that Jessie was adorning an unfamiliar pink dress. While he couldn't help but acknowledge how utterly radiant she looked in the flowing fabric which hugged her curvy frame in all the right ways, he quickly found himself flashing back to that moment in Kalos again. That moment when he found her looking equally radiant in a soft yellow blouse and pink sweater which fit her body so perfectly. His thoughts began to race, with the words " _It's happening again,"_ on repeat. As a dramatic battle unfolded between Jessie, Mimikyu, and a large flock of Murkrow, James found himself struggling to focus. It wasn't until he saw Meowth's lifeless form out of the corner of his eye that he was finally able to quiet his spiraling thoughts.

James watched in wonder as Jessie and Mimkyu battled one Murkrow after another, perfectly in sync. When Jessie was in her element, she was more beautiful than ever and James could never get enough of that side of her. This woman was a true rarity, worth more than all the riches in the world.

When their battled concluded, James cried out to her and his heart nearly stopped when she turned and rested her gaze upon him. He found himself a momentary loss for words as he silently worshipped the goddess before him. Thankfully, his rational brain quickly kicked back in and he returned his attention to Meowth's needs.

* * *

Back in the cave, the team lazily went through their nighttime routines, bellies full and bodies worn out from the events of the day. James was bit more withdrawn than usual, and Jessie noticed. She studied him closely throughout dinner as he barely picked at his food and made very few contributions to the usual team banter. As he smoothed out his bedroll, she strolled toward him, running her hairbrush through her long, magenta locks.

"James. What's up with you today?" she queried.

He gazed up and felt his breath catch in his throat at the sight of her. There was something especially charming about Jessie when her hair flowed loosely about her shoulders and her face was free of its usual bold makeup. It didn't matter how many times he had seen her in this state, it still took his breath away every time.

"N-nothing. I'm just tired." he replied, offering a weak smile. "I don't think my body is accustomed blastoffs anymore. Heh."

After spending nearly every waking moment with this man for years, Jessie could read him like a book. She knew he was hiding something deeper than the fatigue of a long day and blastoff. She raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms, casting a stern gaze at home in hopes that it would implore him to offer a more honest response. However, all she got in return was a shrug and another half-smile as her partner climbed underneath the blankets and attempted to find a comfortable position.

As much as she wanted to continue to push, she found herself too tired to fight and instead sauntered over to Meowth, who was perched on a rock on the opposite side of the cave, grooming himself. She flopped down next to him.

"What's up with him?" she whispered, nudging her chin in James' direction. "He's acting weird today."

Meowth sat up and let out a sad sigh. "I have my suspicions, but I don't really know for sure."

Jessie continued to idly run the brush through her hair as she continued to watch James. "And what would your suspicions be?"

"Ya probably don't wanna know."

Jessie turned sharply toward her teammate and grabbed him by the scruff of his neck. "I'm in no mood for this game, Meowth. Tell me. _Now_ ," she hissed.

"Okay, okay, okay!" Meowth hissed, paws in the air as a sign of surrender. "Da poor sap looked worried to death about ya when we got separated earlier. I think maybe he was worried you was gonna want to quit again."

Jessie released her grip on Meowth and let her arms fall into her lap limply. A blank expression crossed her face as she tried to process his words.

"Wait… what do you mean by 'quit again?'"

"Rememba when we was separated in Kalos and you ended up with that doctor? Well, we nevah told you dis, but we overheard you sayin' you was gonna quit Team Rocket and live with him forevah."

Jessie's mouth fell open, but otherwise her blank expression remained unchanged. "You… you knew about that?"

"Yeah, and I was about to knock some sense into ya before James stopped me."

Jessie's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "He stopped you?"

"Jim didn't want us to get in the way of your shot at love and happiness. But truth be told, he cried for at least an hour after we left."

Jessie finally turned to look Meowth squarely in the eyes, desperately fighting tears of her own. "I… had no idea."

"Of course ya didn't. After ya came back we kinda agreed to not speak of it again. But I think maybe he thought it was happinin' again today and got scared."

Jessie turned her gaze back on James, who was lying on his side, facing away from her. His restless movements told her he wasn't sleeping soundly. She set her brush aside and crept in his direction, kneeling behind him and resting a hand on his shoulder. He shifted slightly and turned to gaze at her with tired eyes.

Jessie grabbed his hand and tugged gently as she commanded, "Get up. We're going for a walk." James' face morphed into an expression of confusion, but he decided to comply without protest.

The pair strolled aimlessly through the thick of the forest, eventually reaching the beach. They hadn't exchanged a single word thus far, spending their walk in silence save for their footfalls and the sound of the waves crashing against the sand. Despite the peaceful atmosphere surrounding them, both Rockets felt tense and uncertain of what to say. After strolling along the beach for a few minutes, Jessie flopped down on the sand and pulled James down with her. They gazed at the water, glittering brilliantly in the moonlight, and remained quiet for another moment before Jessie decided to finally break the silence by clearing her throat.

"Look, I know neither of us all that great at opening up and sharing our deepest feelings, but I know you well enough to know something is bothering you and I know it's not just because you're tired."

James sighed softly, his eyes still on the water. "I don't want to lie or hide things from you, Jess. But I certainly don't intend to burden you with my troubles either."

Jessie watched him closely out of the corner of her eye. "You were afraid I'd try to quit again, weren't you?"

James's entire body stiffened and he slowly turned his head toward his partner, eyes wide in shock. His mouth fell open, but no words came.

"Meowth told me about that day in Kalos when I met Dr. White. He told me you both heard my conversation with the twerps and that _you_ were the one who decided to take off without saying a word to me."

James groaned and rubbed his palms over his face. He mumbled a string of unintelligible words, and though Jessie understood none of it, his body language told her that he was feeling abashed and cornered.

Jessie sighed and turned her body to face him directly. She gently gripped his hands in her own and pulled them into her lap. "I won't make you talk about it if you don't want to. I just wanted you to know that I know."

Tears formed in his eyes as he let out a shaky breath. "I never wanted to burden you with any of this. I just wanted you to be happy."

Jessie smirked slightly and winked. "Well, that's good. We're on the same page there."

Jessie was rendered breathless as James gripped his hands tighter and gazed at her with intense admiration, his green eyes sparkling in the moonlight. "I mean it. You deserve to be happy, Jess. I want that more than anything in the world." He took another shaky breath and added "Because I…" before falling silent, the courage he needed to finally lay his feelings bare eluding him.

Somehow, Jessie managed to read his train of thought and gasped. "You… love me?" She stared at him with equal parts shock and wonder. Though there had been a number of moments over their time together that led her to question the true nature of their friendship, this confession was still unexpected.

James let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding, air rushing noisily past his vocal chords. "Yes," he whispered, cheeks burning and heart pounding as he felt so abruptly exposed.

Before he could even begin to form another thought, Jessie was crushing her lips against his. James froze in astonishment momentarily before fully relaxing and savoring his partner's affections. He cupped her cheeks and caressed them with his thumbs, wishing he could seal her lips against his forever. After a few seconds, Jessie broke the kiss and leaned back slightly to gauge her partner's reaction. Both of them stared into the other's eyes with breathless awe, feeling as though they were seeing each other for the first time.

After a moment of silence stretched between them, James murmured, "Yes. I love you."

Jessie's face broke into a wide grin as she whispered with uncharacteristic shyness, "I… love you, too."

James gasped, tears filling his eyes and spilling down his cheeks. After all the fear and uncertainty of the day, he could hardly believe this new development was real. While he had convinced himself for so long that his deep attachment to this woman was at odds with her own desires and dreams, she had just proven him wrong. There was no reason for him to run from her, and no reason to fear she would run from him. Their lips met again and they lost themselves in each other, surrounded by nothing but the peaceful sounds of a quiet Alolan night.


End file.
